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Wednesday, June 9, 2010

Hurting

Well, we found out yesterday that we won't be able to travel to get Little Man until the fall. My heart is breaking! I cried more yesterday than I have in quite some time. I *thought* I would be fine...I told everyone I would be fine. But I was so wrong! I thought just having a concrete NO (or rather, not yet) would give me peace. It just leaves me with a hole in my heart...a hole that only Little Man will be able to fill. It might not seem like much to all of you...I have been waiting almost 10 years to adopt, so 4 more months shouldn't matter too much, right? But his birthday is in August. I thought I would have my sweet boy with me to celebrate his 6th birthday. But now, I have to know that August will come and go and I will still be here and he will still be there. He will have another birthday without his forever Mommy to make the day all about him. He will have another birthday without his forever Daddy making him prince of the day. I haven't been able to control myself...he has clothes hanging in his closet. Granted, it's not a ton (and I'm not even sure if they would fit him), but they are there. His bed is set up and his new trucks themed quilts are on. I would give anything to be able to go see him...even if it was only a couple of days. The pics I have of him are 2 years old. I know he has changed so much, and I just want to see his face. Please pray that I start accepting this. I really don't have a choice since I can't do anything about it...but I really need this brick lifted off my chest!

Saturday, June 5, 2010

Anxious

Have you ever had that feeling in the pit of your belly? You remember the one...when you were a kid and had done something wrong and you were just waiting for mom to find out. The thing is....I have that feeling now. I have no idea why! I am nervous. I feel like the shoe is going to drop, and I'm just waiting. I HATE THIS FEELING!!!