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Saturday, October 16, 2010

I was beginning to think

I wasn't going to put this on here...I'm not sure it will make sense. I was beginning to think I was pregnant. I have been nauseous every evening (early morning 2-4am) for almost a month. I am fine the rest of the day. I have been SOOOOO tired!! I can sleep for 8 hours and wake up feeling like I haven't slept at all...I can take a nap in the afternoon (an hour) and not have any issues going to sleep at night. I cry at the drop of a hat! (That's not too abnormal, but it seems more than usual) Um, certain areas of my body are VERY sore! I can't seem to get my brain to focus on anything. I haven't missed my time, but with my luck...if I ever did get pregnant, I would be one of those that had bleeding every month or so. I knew I wasn't pregnant. I have a couple anatomical abnormalities that make getting pregnant (the normal way) VERY unlikely. But, I took a test today anyway. Why is it that even though I knew in my brain that I wasn't...why did it break my heart when the test was negative? Why is it that I can grieve not having a bio baby when I thought I had gotten past that years ago? Why should it upset me because with our travel date being just 4 weeks away...getting pregnant now probably wouldn't be the "best time"? Why can't I just be content with knowing that we are going to get our son and understand that a baby might be too much too quick? Why? Why? Why?

2 comments:

  1. Well...hmmmmm....ok, anatomical differences asside, never say never! LOL My sister wasn't supposed to be able to get pregnant either, and none of her home pregnancy tests were positive. She was done having kids. Done I tell ya! Finally she went to her doctor and had bloodwork done. Viola...pregnant! Did an ultrasound, she was 18 weeks. Wasn't even feeling the baby move yet and she should have been by then. (and she's skinny as a twig!) The day after the ultrasound she felt the baby for the first time! LOL Don't you love when people tell you stories like that, as if to say surely you are wrong? LOL You know you better than anyone else. I just wanted to tell a fun story. Anyway, we're hoping to leave (for the same country) about the time you'll be coming back. Shhh don't tell. We can't tell who we're going for either, because we haven't announced it yet! Can't until Weds or so. My fingers are itching to type it!!!!!!

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  2. I think that just like some people yearn for another baby after they've given birth, you want more than one. and you want a bio kid. It's ok, it doesn't make you love little man any less.

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