This is what Vladan says several times a day...of course it is in Serbia. Everyone at the foster home and his social worker thought it was hilarious when he would say it. I DO NOT! Because he will say it when I tell him to move away from the TV (it's a large screen TV in the apartment and he tries to get about 6 inches from it). He says it when I tell him to eat his food and not try to get ours. He says it when I ask him to play legos with me. And the list goes on and on.....he only wants to do what he wants to do when he wants to do it. I guess that's typical 6 year old behavior, but I am tired and am not dealing well with it.
Tonight, I went searching for a blog that expressed what I am feeling right now. I don't want to sound like I'm complaining.....I am just, well, I'm not sure what I am. I don't feel like myself and that is confusing. I don't want to tell anyone this for fear of them judging me. I don't want my family to worry. I just wish someone else felt like I do.....or would write it down so I don't feel so alone. I know it takes time to get to know each other. I know that he is just testing us right now because he has never been made to mind. I know that we have only had him for 9 days and he has 6 years of bad habits to unlearn. I know all of this...with my HEAD. It's my heart that can't comprehend. I should love this child to the end of the earth. He is what I longed for for so long. I should be willing to overlook some of his bad behaviors and....all the "I shoulds" that are out there. But right now, all I want to do is come home. I don't feel like I've made a mistake coming here. I am just....well, Mama no want to feel this way anymore!