Saturday, December 15, 2012

Aching heart

I know it has been a long time since I've posted.  To be totally honest, life has gotten in the way.  At the beginning of the school year, I decided that I would only work one day per week.  It would leave me with plenty of time to do things that needed done.  I'm not sure how, but that has not happened.  I am working more now than I did in the summertime.  We are also in the process of trying to sell our house.  We LOVE our house and our land, but it simply isn't big enough for us.  The living space is very limited and it seems that we are always underneath each others feet.  I'm sure it drives the boys just as nuts as it does me and Honey.  At the end of the day, I just don't have the mental drive to get a blog post up.

The reason for my post is probably heart is aching for all the families in Connecticut (and beyond) that were touched by yesterday's tragedy.  I managed to spend most of the day disconnected from the happenings at a school (that in reality isn't that far from here) in another state.  Honey came home from work and we talked about it a little bit.  Then the news special came on and I found my stomach in knots and tears streaming down my face.  I looked at my husband and said, "How do you even go home?  How do you walk in your front door and look around and see everything that reminds you of your little one and not just crumple to the floor never to get up?  How do you see your Christmas tree and the gifts so neatly wrapped sitting underneath it knowing that your child will never get to unwrap them?"  My heart was pounding and I wanted to run upstairs and wake up the boys just to tell them again that I love them.  I just cannot imagine dropping my boys off at school and finding out an hour later that some lunatic came into their school and destroyed so many lives. 

Several weeks ago, Honey and I were talking about adding another child to our family.  This has been an ongoing conversation for some time.  He said that he would be happy when we had our third child home and we could just focus on our family.  I nodded and he said, "Will you be satisfied once we adopt our third?"  I thought about that for a few minutes before I responded.  You see, it's not just about wanting more children.  Having said that, I have always wanted a lot of kids, but it is so much bigger than that!  When you adopt, your heart is changed....and I'm sure it is the same for foster adoptions as it is with international adoptions.  When you see the need first hand, you are compelled to do what you can.  When you see the faces of children that need nothing more than love and a family, you want to bring home as many as you can.  I have heard a quote, "Orphans are easier to ignore before you know their names.  They are easier to ignore before you see their faces."  This is truer than you could realize, unless you have been there and touched their scared faces or had a touch starved child wrap their arms around your neck somehow willing you to take them home. 

My heart is aching tonight for those families that have lost their children, but also for the children that have yet to find their family.  My prayers are with all of them. 

1 comment:

  1. If you still are thinking about another adoption.. Clayton needs a family!!! ;) I would help fundraise!! I won't be able to relax till he has a home. Thanks for being his warrior this year.